Honestly, I'm still a little bit in shock. I'm going to miss the excellent football and sexy men that have been the center of my universe for the past few weeks. I'll do my best to carry on, though, with the assistance of the MLS and the Olympics. (U.S. swimming qualifiers started yesterday!) For the sake of closure, however, I am going to inflict one final Euro-centric post upon the internet. Besides, after three weeks of drama, we could all use a final review of the finest moments to sustain us as we return to the Torres-less doldrums of normal life.
Traditionally, of course, "Best of" lists are accompanied by the matching "Worst of", but yesterday's game caused disrupted the supply of cynicism to my brain and it hasn't yet been fully restored. Thus, I have nothing snarky or sarcastic to say about Euro 08 at the moment, and will confine my attempt at balanced reporting to briefly mentioning the unfortunate injuries to the likes of Alexander Frei, Fabio Cannavaro, and half the Turkish team (Villa, you don't count since your team won without you); the Italy-Spain quarterfinal in which Italy was so boring they managed to make even Spain uninteresting; Adrian Mutu's missed penalty against Italy that prevented probably the better (or at least possibly more interesting- is it conceivable that any team could have been less interesting to watch than Italy in the quarters?) side from advancing; the previous winner's failure to score more than one goal (and that against a Spanish side that clearly didn't have much invested in the game); the ceaseless stream of photos of English footballers on vacation (not that I minded their absence from the tournament, but the could have at least had the courtesy to disappear for a month or so, or perhaps they might have even - I know it's a craaazy idea - trained a bit, but instead they had to go get married and travel to the most touristy, paparazzi-filled corners of the earth. When they do terribly at the World Cup - or better yet, fail to qualify again - I will point to this moment and say "I told you so!") and of course the inconsiderate weather, which prevented the most exciting moments of the Turkey-Germany semifinal from being broadcast.
Whew. Now that all the negativity has been gotten through, I can focus on the the things I want to - the things that made up for Holland's loss to Russia in the quarters and having to put up with Michael Ballack all the way to the final. This is a highly difficult and dangerous (who knows when I might accidentally stumble across a photo of Franck Ribery in my quest for video of Holland's four goals against France), so I hope you appreciate the effort.
And here it is, the Official top uncertain number of Fabulous Things observed, discovered, and ogled during the European Championship (TM) - the crazy American college girl version.
1: Iker Casillas. I don't know what UEFA was thinking to name Xavi Hernandez best player of the tournament. Casillas was consistently fantastic in goal and fantastic to look at, giving up only two goals and saving two penalties in the shootout against Italy. Though he certainly wasn't tested as often as many of the other keepers in the tournament, he came up with some fine saves. And come on, he was the captain of the winning team. How much better can you get? (Ok, fine, being part of Spain's deadly midfield is pretty good, too.) In addition to being one of the best goalkeepers in the world, Casillas is also one of the most likely to inspire swooning and lewd fantasies. Regrettably, Iker has a strange attachment to his undershirt and hardly ever appears without it. (Apparently the best way to get him out of it is to get him drunk after winning a major trophy.)1.5: Iker's two saves to give Spain a 4-2 PK victory over Italy. Serves you right, you non-attacking, brilliance-stifling, beautiful-game-destroying bastards.
1.Bonus: The spectacular save in regulation time during the Italy match that made sure it went to PKs. If Italy had won I would have punched someone.
2: The Dutch National Team. I don't care if they lost in their first knockout round, they scored more goals against Italy than Spain, trounced France, and were only slightly nicer to Romania. The important part, though, is that they played beautiful, entertaining football and had the grace to lose on the single occasion when they did not. I only wish that there was some way that Spain and the Netherlands could have played each other... preferably in the final. Alas, it was not to be. Perhaps in 2010? Assuming the Dutch can find a new wunderkeeper, of course.
2.a: Edwin Van der Sar, who is awesome, gets a special mention. He was one of six players whose teams did not make it to the semis picked for the Team of the Tournament. Clearly your gladiator superpower was wearing off, Edwin. You obviously did not roll in enough mud prior to your game against Russia. What other explanation can their be for your uncharacteristic generosity in front of the goal?2.b: Wesley Sneijder, who is adorable and was the other Dutch player on the Team of the Tournament. His birthday happened to be the same day that the Netherlands played Italy, and Sneijder had a goal on the day - the first "real" goal of the match. I wish I could do something that cool for my 24th birthday.
3: Dear Russia,
I know it was not your fault that you happened to play four games against my three favorite teams in the tournament, and I will not hold it against you. Neither can I hate you for having spawned Roman Abramovich, even if he does end up turning the Rapids into Ch£l$kiUSA. I do not begrudge you your victories over Sweden (though it was time for me to get over the Swedes anyway, at least until they find some younger players) and the Netherlands, and hope you can forgive me for celebrating Spain's victories over you. Despite all of our differences, I cannot help but admire your incredible two-game ass-kicking spree. I hope to see Andrei Ashavin in England or Spain very soon, and I wish you all the best of luck in 2010. (Unless, of course, you happen to be playing the Americans, the Dutch, or the Spanish. I'm sorry, but my teams come first.) See you at the Olympics!
Something along the lines of "the victory of attacking, exciting football" probably belongs here at number four (if I didn't mention it earlier, there's no real ordering system in use here, so the numbers are to separate the various subjects and could easily be interchanged). However, in the interests of not saying something that several thousand reporters, commentators, and bloggers probably already have, I won't bother. Similarly, I will refrain from adding silly things like "Best Games" or "Best Goals" to this list because I did not see all of the games and thus missed some of the goals, and further, all you need to do to find real discussion of these categories is type "Euro 08 best goals" into Google. (I just did. Not everything that comes up is actually a list of the best goals, but Sports Illustrated has 21 pretty photos of impressive scores.)
From this point on war, I am giving up on the numbering of things altogether, as the numerical values are essentially meaningless and most of the Things left are really too brief to require their own number.
- Turkey's run of three last minute comeback victories, ended by a last minute German goal in a game in which Turkey was first to score. If it had been anyone but the Germans, I would have loved this victory. As it was, it gave me at least a grudging respect for the Deutschelanders, at least until their lackluster performance in the final.
- C.Ronaldo's exclusion from the Team of the Tournament. Haha. Maybe you ought to take this lesson to heart and think long and hard about the potential decrease in ego-stroking that might result from leaving your world class compatriots at ManU before you sign anything with Real Madrid. (Although having discovered the fine specimens that are Casillas and Snijder I would have a hard time willing Madrid to lose. Maybe it's time for both Ronaldo and I to switch allegiances...)
- The sexy German team of the semifinals that almost made me forget that Michael Ballack was their captain.
- The overabundance of beautiful, beautiful men. All right, so there could have been much more shirtlessness, but, though certain teams (*cough*Spain*cough*) seemed to have received more than their fair share of sexiness, almost every team had a least a few players worth watching even when the football wasn't great. (Update: Ah ha! I knew there had to be at least one photo of a shirtless Spanish player who is not Ramos or Puyol. Cesc, darling, thank you. If only those other fellows had had the decency to get out of the way...)- The vast expansion in my football knowledge and player recognition that has occurred over the past three weeks. I am ashamed of how many names, faces, and historical events I was unfamiliar with before this tournament. Ah well. Give it a year or two more and no one will ever guess that I began life as an ignorant American.
- Spain winning the European Championship. Well, all right, duh. But since there was such an eminently satisfying conclusion to Euro 08, I couldn't end this post with anything less joyful. Especially since someone on the Spanish team must have been listening to my complaints about the negligence regarding shirt removal. Warning: the following video should only be viewed by those who enjoy seeing sexy Spanish men in their underwear.
Photos and video via UEFA and Kickette.
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